


panic attacks and back rubs.

by halloweensocks



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:55:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22245952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halloweensocks/pseuds/halloweensocks
Summary: keith returns from the blade of marmora. but he’s,, different.trigger warnings: panic attacks.also this fic is NOT edited and it’s all in lowercase. apologies in advance. <3
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

the hiss of the air lock accompanied with the rush of the air brought in a singular person and their spacecraft. 

it was a singular person that lance nor the other paladins had seen or heard of in months, close to a year. 

it was a person lance considered dear to his heart, and the minute allura announced that he was entering the atmosphere of the castle, lance dropped everything he was doing, fixed himself in the mirror quickly, and rushed out to the hangar. 

when the small spacecraft landed, a lean, broad shouldered figure stepped out, clad in a black and purple skintight outfit. he took of the mask and surveyed the paladins that stood before him. 

the look of him went straight to lance’s dick. 

the minute the figure’s foot stepped onto the iron floor, lance’s legs were already moving towards him. 

in under 10 seconds, lance had crossed the hanger and his arms wrapped around the figure. 

but something was.. off. 

keith’s body stiffened as lance threw his arms around his shoulder and peppered his face with small kisses.

immediately lance realized the body language and pulled himself away from the black-haired male. 

keith’s muscles didn’t relax and he stood tensed, his jaw clenched.

“hey keith, you okay?” lance cocked his head, unaware to the trauma the boy faced in his few months away from the castle. 

“i’m fine.” he hissed through clenched teeth as he shouldered past lance and the other paladins. 

lances mood immediately dropped, his eyes drooping and his shoulders sagging. he’d waited months to see keith, he’d missed him every single day, and this, this is the welcome he gets? 

pidge and hunk moved aside as lance sadly trudged passed them, and they shared a knowing glance.

something had happened with keith and it was affecting lance terribly. 

as lance moped around the castle, looking for sympathy, keith was sitting on his bed, his hands shaking. 

he hadnt meant to treat lance like that. god, he’d missed those bright blue eyes and the way they shined every time lance smiled. he’d missed lance. every dimple in his tan cheeks and the way his rough calloused hands fit perfectly into keith’s. 

he hadn’t meant to treat lance like that. 

but he did. and his hands shook and his body shook and his shoulders shook and suddenly, wracking sobs exited keith’s body, as he rocked back and forth on his bed, trying to breathe.

he couldn’t breathe. he couldn’t breathe. he needed lance. 

but lance wasn’t coming. 

and so keith suffered almost an hour, trying to breathe, trying to see clearly. his world was spinning and his hands. they wouldn’t stop shaking. he mentally screamed at them to stop shaking yet they just shook harder and harder until he started crying again. 

he couldn’t breath, he couldn’t stop shaking, he couldn’t see. 

when he’d finally calmed down, he was dehydrated, his hands hurt, his body hurt, he hurt. 

he peeled off the blade of marmora suit and threw it against the wall with all the might he had. and then he laid down and cried. 

he hadn’t meant to shoulder off lance like that. he hadn’t meant to hurt the cuban boy he held so dearly to his heart. 

lance was the reason he was alive. if lances smile hadn’t kept him going, he probably would’ve offed himself. he probably would’ve thrown himself into a dangerous battle and his life would’ve been taken from him.

and he couldn’t do that to lance. he couldn’t leave lance. he’d know the way he’d grieve and he’d never get over him. his bright blue eyes would dim. and keith couldn’t. keith wouldn’t. 

and so keith cried himself to sleep at the thought of losing lance. 

keith awoke the next morning, curled in fetus position. his entire body ached, he had a migraine. he stretched, and threw on the outfit he’d left earth with. except he couldn’t find the jacket. 

he knows who has the jacket. 

he’s not going to get the jacket back. he can’t.

he can’t face lance right now.

not in the mental condition he’s in.

and so, clad in a black shirt, black jeans and red boots, keith trudged out of the room, his mullet a mess and the dark bags under his eyes more evident than ever. 

after a cruel day of ignoring lance, keith walked back to his room, the only joy he’d felt in ages climb up through his bones. sleep is what he craved. 

but sleep isn’t what he was going to get. 

the minute keith stepped a foot into his room his wrist was yanked back and he yelped. 

he was spun around and a pair of pissed off blue eyes stared back at him. 

keith’s violet eyes watered and lances eyes softened. he pulled the black-haired male into his arms.

keith found comfort here. he wondered why he didn’t go to lance in the first place. 

lance pulled keith into the room, sitting down on the bed. he let keith cry on his shoulder.

as soon as keith started shaking, another panic attack wracking its way through his body, lance stopped it.

he rubbed small, soothing circles on the small of keith’s back while kneading his fingers into keith’s hair with the other hand. 

almost immediately, keith’s breathing slowed to a normal pace, and he stopped shaking. 

he knew he needed lance and he was a dick for treating lance this way. 

“do you wanna talk about it?” the phrase was whispered but keith heard it. 

keith shook his head and sniffled looking into lances eyes.

unlike everyone else, keith didn’t find pity. keith found love. 

he loved lance and lance loved him. 

he was here. lance was here. 

“can, can we just lay down? please?” his voice cracked on the please and lance didn’t need to be told twice before pulling keith into his arms. 

the familiar scent of ocean body wash filled his nostrils.

this was home. 

keith was home.

lance was his home. 

he shook. he shook until his whole body was shaking. he shook until he couldn’t see and his hands were simply a blur in front of his eyes.


	2. part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keith has another panic attack, and decides he’s going to overcome.

he shook. he shook until his whole body was shaking. he shook until he couldn’t see and his hands were simply a blur in front of his eyes. 

his vision clouded and tears threatened to spill. and spill they did. he muffled his cries in his knees, cradling and rocking himself, as if his life depended on it. 

he couldn’t breathe, it was getting harder to breathe by the minute. he’d have to unbury his face from his knees sooner or later or he’d suffocate. 

but he couldn’t let lance hear him. he’d put lance through enough. 

so, keith stood up, his breathing uneven, his stance wobbly and he gripped his hands on the sink until his knuckles turned white. 

he stared at himself in the mirror, the tears drying on his face.

he was a mess. his face was puffy, the dark bags under his eyes were darker than they’d ever been. his black hair was strewn about his head, matted to his forehead with sweat from the panic attack. 

he took a shuddering breath and let go off the sink. the blood rushed to his knuckles turning them back to their normal pale white color and he stepped out of the bathroom. 

he returned to the bed, and quietly snuck in next to lance. 

he wrapped his arms around lance’s torso, pulling him in closer as he buried his head in his neck. soon, he fell asleep. 

lately, this was the only way keith was able to fall asleep. with lance next to him. 

he’d realized shortly after his return to team voltron that he wasn’t the same. 

he left a aggressive, emo boy, and returned a quiet, traumatized man. 

and nobody’d noticed. that’s what hurt keith the most. every single day he’d have to put on a facade. everything’s going to be okay he’d say to himself. 

i’m happy. nothing happened while i was at the blade. the blade was fine. we went on missions. 

mission. that’s what scared keith the most. 

going on another mission. 

he’d had his fair share of missions and battles before he’d left to the blade of marmora. but things changed. 

missions got more dangerous. more was a stake. 

a entire organzation and thousands of people’s lives were at stake. 

lives. not a bunch of metal robot lions. 

peoples lives. 

and keith saw it taken from him. 

lance awoke a bit earlier. he always woke up earlier than keith.

keith looked so peaceful when he slept. his pale eyelids were closed and his lips were a bright pink. his small nose flared every so often. his black hair spread around him, almost like a halo, and he looked, soft. he looked untouchable. he looked angelic. 

lance knew that was far from the truth. 

lance knew that something had happened while he was at the blade. but keith hasn’t told him yet.

and lance wasn’t one to pry. especially if he’d witnessed keith having a breakdown over it. 

a small part of lance was angry at keith for not telling him what it was. but that was a small part. 

not enough for lance to pry. 

not enough for lance to betray keith’s trust. 

and so, lance thought about this as keith’s pale lids fluttered open and his violet eyes glittered. 

a smile spread upon lances face. 

“good morning mullet.” he smiled and moved keith’s hair out of his forehead so he could place a gentle kiss there. 

gentleness was what keith needed. so gentleness is what lance gave. 

“i told you to stop calling me mullet.” keith grumbled as he untangled his limbs from lances and stretched. 

the memories from last night in the bathroom came flooding back and keith shook his head, blinking back the tears. 

lance smiled and ruffled his hair. his long legs swung over the bed. 

“you’ll be okay? i’m gonna go shower and get ready in my room. i’ll be back shortly.” lance placed another kiss on keith’s forehead, and then walked out. a minute later he returned, bounding into the room to press his lips against keith’s pale ones. 

“i’ll be back.” 

that’s what antok said. 

antok lied. he’d said he’d be back and he never came back. 

keith weakly waved at lance and stripped, heading into the bathroom to take a shower.

he turned the heat all the way up, wincing as the hot water burned him.

but it was a good burn. he needed it. 

he washed his hair, scrubbing away all thoughts of antok and that one mission. and he decided right then and there. 

he was going to get over this. 

lance needed him.

the team needed him.

he needed him.


End file.
